A Notorious Romantic Contradiction

By the essence and nature of existence, contradictions cannot exist.  If you find one, check your premises.  You will find that one of them is wrong.
Ayn Rand, 1957

Let's have a look at two well-known truths which apparently form a contradiction:

• Women like the bad boys
• Women want to partner/marry/have-children-with nice guys

On the face of it, this is clearly a contradiction.  Perhaps some women want one or the other.  But in my experience, many women want both.  Quite the conundrum.

So is it possible to construct a scenario where women can want and have both without the existence of a contradiction?

What if a woman believes that she can change him?  Him being the chosen bad boy.  Well, people do believe all kinds of crazy things.

Or, what if the woman knows she cannot change him, but what she really wants, what she secretly desires, is that he will voluntary give up his bad boy ways - for her.  Then she can have both her bad boy AND a nice partner sans contradiction.  Hey, she might even let him keep his Harley.

Both of these scenarios go a long way towards explaining why otherwise smart women continuously date cads.

Let me tell you a happy/sad story about my friends, Mr. & Mrs. G.  Now, when Mr. G. was a young man, he was a first class bad-ass.  We'll leave it at that, but we all know the type.  He met the future Mrs. G. in school and they dated on-again, off-again through high school and college.  While Mr. G. was a real jerk, future Mrs. G. thought he was just dreamy.  Dangerously dreamy.  Okay, first rule above:  Check.

Today, Mr. & Mrs. G. are in their mid-forties, have been married twenty-plus years, and have two teenage daughters.  Now, here's the thing:  Mr. G. is one of the nicest guys I know.  Second rule above:  Check.

What happened to the jerk?  Well I'll tell you.  He changed.  I know this couple pretty well, and there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he changed for her.  And, he's not faking it.  He wanted to make her happy and hold on to her long term.  They will both tell you so.

So what is the point of this story?  That women can have both?  No, absolutely not.  Because Mr. & Mrs. G. are the exceptions.  Sure, they exist (this is a true story) and we might all know similar people, but here's the thing - they are not the rule.  That is why this is a sad story.  Women believe that this is, if not the rule, at least possible.  And that they too can be the exception.  Women over-estimate their ability to have both.

So because women cannot change him and because most-often he will not change for her, we get a lot of sad, sometimes even abusive, relationships.  And to make it worse, many times these same women bring this same mindset to their next relationship and it happens all over again.  Different jerk, same result.  Imagine that.

So my dear women readers (if I have any left), would it not be easier (and better odds) to just start with the nice guys?  Yes, yes, I know:  Too safe, too boring; where's the danger, where's the excitement?

Besides, you are clearly the exception.

Have a nice day.
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